In beginning a dating relationship, it may take some time to get comfortable with the other person. But as you get acquainted, it is tempting to share deeply held secrets or private longings that you hope will bond the two of you.
Be careful! Confessing secrets or expressing desires too early in a relationship can frighten the most grounded guy. Here are some of the scariest topics to avoid until the two of you have had time to get to know one another:
1. "I'm looking for a marriage partner." Any version of this statement can be a real turn-off for many men. They often feel like a commodity in the marketplace that you're checking out with a view to buying. Even if you do hope to marry in the next year or two, keep quiet about your plans until you find out whether this guy is the one. Even then, let him take the initiative in the commitment department. Many guys do not respect girls who take the lead, fearing her aggressiveness bodes ill for a long-term relationship.
2. "I don't know where my money goes." If you mean this seriously, and a great deal of the time, your newfound dating partner may take this as a hint to duck out the back door. No one wants to feel like he will have to support someone who isn't responsible enough to care for herself. While all of us run short occasionally, those who make a habit of it can cause real snarls in a romance that could otherwise be headed for Honeymoon Haven. Learn to manage your income and bills, and don't mention financial problems to someone you're dating unless they're severe and you want him to know up front before getting serious.
3. "I can't stand your mother." Back off from this one. No guy likes to hear that you don't like his family. If you want to give this romance a fighting chance, keep quiet about your potential future in-laws. Better yet, cultivate a positive relationship by sending encouraging notes or funny e-mails, and always demonstrate respect for any member of your guy friend's family.
4. "I can't wait to have kids." This is another sizzler that tells the man you are looking for an assembly line marriage. Each relationship is unique, and it is best to discuss the prospect of having children with a man who may be seriously thinking about getting engaged. If your male friend is still in college or unhappily employed, the last thing he wants is the image of a dependent family whose needs ensure that he get and keep any possible job for their support. Give the relationship time to blossom before discussing projected dreams.
5. "I think you should change your work schedule so we can go out more." This sounds like a demanding wife already, someone who plans to force her desires above her husband's needs. A job schedule has to take priority over a social calendar whether one party likes it or not. Girls who come across as demanding, controlling, or self-centered are likely to be passed over as marriage material. Work on developing compassion for the man in your life in terms of his job and his personal interests. Put your agenda on hold--indefinitely--except for things that truly matter.
Watch your words, ladies, if you want a guy to fall for you and stick around. Otherwise, he may get the hint early on and will be gone without a trace before you know it.
