Blog Archive


Things might all be rosy when you start dating. He takes you out to movies, wines and dines you at least once a week. You go on outings together; bushwalks, plays, whatever you feel like.
Then you get more comfortable and spend a lot of time at each other’s places, just chilling on the couch, watching DVDs or sharing a bottle of wine. Maybe you move in together.
Things change. He starts leaving the dishes in the sink. You do them. You like doing things for him, at first. But then one day you realise you are doing rather a lot for him and he isn’t doing much in return. He’s got himself an easy ride, a new mother even. You are being taken for granted. It doesn’t have to be a live-in situation either – it could be he borrows your car without filling it up with gas. Maybe he brings his laundry round to your place because he doesn’t have a washing machine. Watch out – you are falling into the taken for granted trap.
Here are ten sure-fire signs you are being taken for a ride, in a bad way…
Sign 1: Somehow you have fallen into the men’s chores/ women’s chores scenario. You know, the idea that was supposed to be left in the 1950s… he does the lawns and changes a flat tyre, while you do…well, everything else. I’m sorry but nice as it may seem to have him take out the trash, he is getting an easy ride. They say a women’s work is never done – and it’s true – think of all the chores that require constant care in the home. Then analyse how often a tyre needs changing.

Sign 2: He makes some kind of gesture at doing something that needs to be done. For example, he puts the washing in the washing machine, but then leaves it there. He is giving you the impression that he at least started helping out around the house, but truth is, doing half a job isn’t doing the whole job. And there you are hanging it out and bringing it in, folding it and putting it away.
Sign 3: You have something at your house he doesn’t have, be it a computer, a car, a dryer etc. He comes over at least once a week to “see you” but always spends most of his time with your machine.
Sign 4: Your house is closer to his work than his house. When he stays over he gets to sleep in longer. He only ever comes over late at night, just when you are ready for bed. While he might want a bit of sex on the side, are you sure he isn’t also using you for your location?
Sign 5: Sex. He comes over and after sex, he leaves. Unless this is a casual agreement you have come to, he is using you. If you are okay with that, then fine. If not, get real. If he doesn’t want to hang out with you, he doesn’t love you.
Sign 6: Boys are a hungry bunch, especially ones who have been fed up by their mums from birth. Now he’s moved out of home he turns up a lot – at your flat or at your parent’s house – and it’s always around dinner time. The way to a man’s heart shouldn’t be through his stomach, I don’t care what the old wives say. If he is using you for your pantry, he doesn’t respect you.
Sign 7: He knows you or your parents are fairly well-off. He makes a lot of jokes about trust funds. When it comes to pay for the DVD or the bottle of wine, he doesn’t have his wallet or – worse – he just doesn’t even bother to begin to get it out of his pocket. As with food, these things need to go both ways.

Sign 8: “Thanks babe”. If a guy expects that you will cook him dinner, fold his washing or clean his shower, but you never hear a thank you out of him, or maybe he says it but it doesn’t sound sincere – run! You’re not going to change him. He is so accustomed to these thankless tasks being carried out by a female figure in his life, he doesn’t even notice anymore. Don’t even get involved, because when you do, you might stop noticing what’s going on. That’s when you become his mother. A sad place to be.
Sign 9: Every girl needs a bit of affection and a few compliments now and again. If you are dressed up to the nines for a date with this guy and he doesn’t bother to comment on how wonderful you look, he has become used to taking you for granted. You could try to justify it and say you are just “comfortable” with each other, but we all need to be reminded every now and again that our boyfriends think we’re hot. He should realise that, and if he doesn’t, tell him. If he still doesn’t do it, he’s taking your for granted.
Sign 10: He doesn’t even bother to shower before he comes round. Or, if you live together, he just doesn’t shower that often, full-stop. His toenails have needed clipping for weeks and the pillowcases are greasy from where his head has been. This is not to mention that potbelly he’s been cultivating. I’m sorry, but he’s taking you for granted. People should make an effort for each other at every stage of their relationship; it doesn’t matter how long they have been together.
So if any of these signs strike a chord with you, it’s probably time you moved on. Just remember there are a lot of really great guys out there – so there is no
reason to be stuck with a dud.