ROMANTIC ATTACHMENT: DEEP EMOTIONAL BOND

How people form an attachment to a romantic partner is one of the most studied topics in the relational sciences (please note, this section is adapted from the work of Bowlby, Ainsworth, Shaver, Hazan and Zeifman's work on attachment theory).

A romantic attachment (also called pair-bonding) is a deep emotional bond to another individual. The tendency to form a deep emotional bond to another individual is an universal feature of human life.

The attachments we form to our romantic partners are designed to keep people together. When we form an attachment to a romantic partner – we want to be near that person. And we tend to feel safe and secure when our partners are around. Overall, forming an attachment was designed to help create stability.


Not only do we form attachments to our romantic partners, but the loss of a partner can be devastating. If you are attached to someone and the relationship comes to an end, the sense of loss can be overwhelming – including feelings of uncertainty, fear, and despair.

Humans are designed to form a strong attachment to a romantic partner because human offspring are born extremely immature (unable to care for themselves). Individuals who formed a deep attachment to their sexual partners were better equipped to raise offspring. And over millions of years of human development, evolution favored people who formed a deep emotional bond to a sexual partner. As such, people living today are all the descendants of individuals who formed an emotional bond to their romantic partners in the past.

Not only are humans designed to form a deep emotional bond to a sexual partner, but the process by which we do so is very similar to how infants form a bond to their primary caregivers.

Human infants universally form a deep emotional attachment to the person who provides the most care (usually a mother). This attachment is designed to keep infants close to their caregivers, which ultimately helped ensured an infant’s survival. When infants form a deep emotional attachment to their caregiver – children feel safe and secure. For infants, attachment figures (caregivers) provide a sense of security and comfort. When separate from their attachment figure, infants will stage a protest (crying and screaming) designed to get their caregiver's attention.

How do infants know who to form an attachment to?

Infants form an attachment to the caregivers based on the nature and amount of physical contact they have with others. Infants form an attachment to the person who provides the most physical contact – the most kissing, cuddling, caressing, and so on.

And adults do the same when it comes to forming a romantic attachment. Adults form a deep emotional attachment based on intimate physical contact – kissing and cuddling, etc. If you have repeated intimate contact with another person, you will most likely form a deep attachment to that person. Once an attachment is formed – people want to spend more time together, feel safe and secure in each other’s presence, and they will experience loss when the relationship comes to an end.

Again, romantic attachments are designed to keep people together because over the course of human evolution people, who stayed together, had an easier time raising offspring than people who only came together for the purposes of sex.

While attachments help create stability, there is a downside. Attachments are less concerned that you are happy with your partner and more concerned that you stay together. In fact, many people form an attachment to someone who they do not like as a person. It is quiet possible to form a deep bond to someone who is less than an ideal romantic partner – this happens everyday.

Not only that, but it can be difficult to end a relationship, even a bad relationship, because people experience tremendous loss when attachments come to an end – including situations where people are attached to someone they dislike. Loss is loss, even when it occurs in a problematic relationship.

The lesson to be learned? Be careful about whom you have repeated intimate contact with – you are likely to form an attachment to that person. And once an attachment is formed, it can be very difficult to break.

So, going slow at the start of a relationship, especially when it comes to sex, is important. It is good to learn as much as you can about another person before you become heavily involved. Many relationship problems could be avoided, if people did not rush into forming an attachment with someone.

Not only are humans designed to form an attachment to a romantic partner, but there are some important differences in the types of attachments people form and how people experience love.

Top 10 signs why boyfriend or girlfriend cheats

Is It Human Nature To Cheat?

Our Human behavior is not always governed by the vows that were taken and the promises that were made. Human behavior is a product of our innate human nature, our individual experience and environment. Today there are over 4000 distinct mammal species alive on earth and only 3% of them are monogamous. According to Stephen T. Emlen, an expert on evolutionary behavior, monogamy is rare. He describes a great difference between social, genetic and sexual monogamy. Some scientist believe that  monogamy, especially sexual monogamy is not natural to human species. If that is true why do some marriages last forever? Is love enough to make us monogamous?

Would you leave your dog alone with a steak? Of course not but you can’t hate the dog for doing what is in its nature, or can you?

Signs That We Are Cheating

10.) We stop confiding in you and stop seeking advice from you.

9.) We join the gym, go on a diet, try to improve our appearance.

8.) We start deleting all incoming emails when we used to let them accumulate

7.) We suddenly want more sex, more often.

6.) We seem less comfortable around you.

5.) We are emotionally disconnected.

4.) We appear to be confused and worried most of the time.

3.) We compensate our guilt by saying I love you more often.

2.) We are not so needy of your attention.

1.) Trust your gut!

Instinct is the most powerful indicator of a cheating lover. 85% of women who feel their lover is cheating is correct.  50% of men who feel their lover is cheating are right. The 1st clue is seldom obvious. Go with the “feeling” that something is different.

Most people had no intention of going down this path.  Your emotions are fighting for control over your logic and reason.  You are being pulled in different directions but please know that someone out there loves you. Some scientists say that loving more than one person is difficult to do, they don’t know you. 


When you recognize that it is not good then why do it? Think about your actions, you might regret it in the end. :)

BEST WAY TO TALK ABOUT RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS

What is the Best Way to Talk About Problems?

When problems arise in a relationship, couples are often told they need to "communicate" - or talk to each other.

In many cases, however, couples do not know how to talk about problems and communication only makes the situation worse.

For the most part, there are two basic ways of talking about problems: Direct Accusation versus Problem Identification (described below). Unfortunately, most couples use Direct Accusation rather than Problem Identification when trying to resolve conflict.


The idea that Problem Identification is a better way of solving problems draws upon Gibb's work on defensive communication and Cupach and Canary's work on conflict management. Cupach and Canary's book is a great resource for dealing with conflict management.

Direct Accusation – Focus on Partner’s Behavior

When upset or angry, many people confront their spouses by focusing on their partner’s behavior. These accusations can be made directly “I am upset because you…” or even in the form of a question “why did you…?”

The motivation behind making such accusations is typically to change a spouse’s or partner’s behavior. People believe that if they get upset and point out their partner’s mistakes, things will change. This rarely works.

If you accuse a partner of wrongdoing, partners typically:

• get defensive – fight back or withdraw (stop listening)


• offer an (insincere) apology designed to stop your attack


• hide and conceal similar behavior in the future


• The long term outcome of directly confronting a partner is:


• increased distance


• less understanding and greater dissatisfaction


• the lack of a genuine resolution


• increased future conflict


• A more effective approach involves focusing on one’s feelings, not a partner’s behavior.


• Problem Identification – Focus on One’s Feelings

A better way to resolve relationship problems involves focusing on one’s feelings, rather than blaming a partner for what happened (even if, your partner deserves blame).

It is easier for a partner or spouse to hear what you have to say when you focus on your own feelings and not dwell on his or her mistakes. For example, if your spouse has a habit of coming home late – rather than make a direct accusation – “I hate when you're so late – why do you do that?” – it helps if you can focus on your feelings instead “I am feeling sad and a little frustrated. I sometimes feel lonely when you are not home.”

When trying to discuss a problem - it's important not to assign blame. Even saying something as simple as "It makes me feel uncomfortable..." can come across as an accusation - leading to a defensive response. Phrasing a concern as "I feel..." rather than "It makes..." is a more effective way of solving problems.

Your motivation for dealing with problems this way should be to get your partner to hear what you have to say. If you can get your partner to understand your point of view, you are much more likely to create a meaningful and lasting resolution.

By focusing on your feelings instead of your spouse’s behavior, partners are more likely to:

• listen to what you have to say


• empathize with your position


• discuss the problem in a constructive manner


• And there are many benefits of approaching relationship problems with this way:


• increased closeness, satisfaction and understanding


• greater potential for resolution and change


• less future conflict

Simply put, directly confronting a partner often leads to greater resistance, more conflict and deception. Of course, it is easier to get angry and make accusations, but doing so rarely leads positive, long term outcomes.

TOP SIGNS THAT YOU ARE A REBOUND GIRL

Have you ever met someone and felt an instant connection?  Some may call it love at first sight and others, they may call it lust at first sight. 

Regardless, of what it may be called it happens.  You see a hot guy and instantly your heart begins beating out of your chest. 

Perhaps, you did not have time to chat it up with him.  You do absolutely everything in your power to get this guy's number.  Finally, you have it.  He is handsome, intelligent and totally cool.  You like talking to him. 

Then it comes up, the thing you do not want to hear, "I am just coming out of a relationship."  The dread begins to build up inside of you.  He tells you he does not think he is ready for a relationship but would like to continue to talk to you.

Is there any way to tell if you are going to become the rebound girl?  Whether he is coming out of a relationship that has spanned a few months or many years, there is no guarantee that he is over this woman.  This may be the first time that they have broken up or the 30th time.  When a man tells you that he is coming out of a relationship, you need to be very careful.  There are two high level warning signs that you will  be the rebound girl.

#1.)  Is he always talking about or bashing his ex? This is a sign that he is still hurting and not at all over her.  You can choose to be a shoulder to cry on, listen to his endless conversations about her and put up with the late night texts about how horrible he feels.  This is a choice that you will have to make.  Some men seem fine on the outside and then you begin talking to them on a more personal level and you realize that they are a complete mess.  Could you handle getting to know someone while they are unable to give you the attention that you deserve?

#2.) Is he still in contact with his ex? Do they have a pattern of breaking up and getting back together?  If you have heard from the people closest to him that they have broken up several times and gotten back together, proceed with extreme caution.  Do not let your guard down.  The chances are high that when things look bright again on the horizon, he will stop talking to you and they will get back together.

The more time that you spend with the person, the stronger your feelings will become. This is going to happen if you find that you have many things in common or perhaps a silent bond. You may find yourself comfortable and able to tell him anything.  It is easier to let people closer to us when they are also vulnerable.  Your feelings may deepen, even grow stronger by the day, until you no longer have control of them. If you are intimate this will make the feelings even stronger.  You will find yourself wondering if it is truly you that he is thinking of? What should happen if she suddenly decides to pursue him again?  Would he go back to her? If he goes back to her, how will you feel?

Girls, before you consider going for a guy that has just gotten out of a relationship, please think it through.  These relationships do work on occasion but it may be a long hard road for you.  It takes patience, understanding, strength and security.  You have to decide if you can face having more questions than answers in your life.  You have to decide if the action  is worth the consequence? 

TOP 5 TIPS HOW MEN KNOWS IF SHE IS THE ONE

When it is comes to getting hitched, guys get cold feet for two reasons. Some guys are uber-picky.

They have a list in their minds of their perfect wife characteristics: hot but not slutty, smart but not nerdy, skinny but a good cook, etc. Unfortunately, no real woman can live up to the fantasy, and these guys stay perpetually single. The second type of guy looks at others’ failed marriages, particularly his own parents, and won’t get married because of the fear of choosing the wrong woman.

The truth is that knowing you’ve found the right woman to marry is not rocket science. The decision to marry is the easiest decision I’ve ever made in my life. Here are five guidelines that will guided you on deciding if she was the one for you:

1. The relationship goes smoothly from the beginning. The best relationships I have seen, including my own, happened completely naturally from start to finish. The couple meets, they get along swimmingly, they start dating, and then they get married. My wife and I never had a single dreaded “DTR” (Define the Relationship) during our courtship. Everything about our relationship felt like the most natural thing in the world. We never broke up and got back together. Or even considered doing so. In contrast, many couples break up and get back together numerous times. They fight and then make up and then fight again. I’m not saying that men in such volatile relationships should not get hitched. But the volatility will inevitably continue into the marriage. Whether that volatility is acceptable is up to each individual man and their sense of the strength of that relationship.

2. She gets along well with your family and friends. Now there may be exceptions to this rule: your girlfriend and one of your friends or family members may simply have clashing personality traits. But in general, it is a red flag if your girlfriend does not mix well with your loved ones. Think about it-your family raised you and made you who you are, and you picked your friends based on your common interests and values. If she doesn’t like them and they don’t like her, then it may mean you are not seeing something important about your girlfriend that they see. When you are in love, it often blurs your vision and judgment. Your loved ones have an outsider’s perspective on the relationship. This doesn’t mean you should break up with a woman just because your friends and family don’t like her. If you are sure of your relationship, be confident in moving forward with it. But it is wise to seek honest feedback from others.

3. There is nothing major you want to change about her. There will always be differences and conflicts in a relationship. But if there is something truly significant about your girlfriend that you wish she would change, then that is a red flag. In the initial stages of a relationship, when your brain is bathed with love chemicals, you may be willing to overlook the flaw or even find it strangely endearing. But after several years, when the love chemicals have ebbed, this flaw may begin to grate on your soul. Remember, people seldom change, and marriage won’t make her change either. If there’s something about your girlfriend that you know deep down you can’t live with, than it’s time to move on. You’re wasting both of your times.

4. She’s your best friend. Physical attraction and chemistry are obviously crucial to any relationship. But at the core of the relationship should be a strong and deeply rooted friendship. Forty years down the line you’re both going to be soft, wrinkly, and saddled with low libidos. What’s going to hold your marriage together when you are old and gray is your friendship. Therefore, if you feel like your girlfriend is your best friend in the world, there is a very good chance that she is the one for you. Do you want to spend all your time with her? Does she make any situation from going to a ballgame to doing your taxes more enjoyable? Do you feel like you could tell her anything and that she knows more about you than anyone in the world? Yes? Well then, she’s a keeper.

5. The thought of marrying her doesn’t scare you in the least. While the image of a man shaking in his boots and having second thoughts the night before his wedding makes for good TV and movie plots, the reality is that when you are marrying the “one,” you won’t be scared at all. Throughout the entire period of dating and being engaged, up until the night before my wedding, I never had a single second thought about my impending nuptials. The only thing I felt was happiness and excited anticipation. Like all of these tips, your mileage on this one may vary. I’m not saying that if you are nervous you shouldn’t get married. But if you go back and forth every week about whether you have made the right decision, you may want to do some serious soul searching.

“Marriage is not about finding a person you can live with, it’s about finding the person you can’t live without.” When you find that woman, you can be sure she’s the one."

BREAK UP DIARIES: TIPS TO HELP YOU GET OVER A BROKEN HEART

Perhaps nothing is ever quite as painful as getting over your first love. It's not just any old break-up; this is the boy/girl who taught you what it means to fall in love. You thought you'd spend the rest of your lives together. You made plans for the future to live together or go to college together. You have loads of jokes and memories of the time you spent together. Now that it's over, you're scared that you'll never find anyone to ever replace them, or maybe you're just afraid that you wont ever be as happy with someone else. Here are some tips to help you get over it:

Your Ex

1.  How do you deal with a broken heart? Firstly you need to want to get over them. At first it will hurt so much that you will not be able to start to get over them, and you may believe that you two will eventually get back together. This may last for quite a while but eventually you will realize that you actually don't want to get back with this person. After realizing this you can move easily onto the next steps.


2. Cut off all communication with your ex. Harsh, but it's the only thing that works. You probably feel like you're losing the best friend you ever had, the only person who truly understood you. It might hurt at first, but it will get better. You cannot be friends while you attempt to get over each other.

3. Do not hook up at all with your ex. You will start right back at square one, and all the work you did trying to get over them will be wasted.

4. Recall why you broke up, what you hated about him/her, and what you could never agree on. You may tend to remember only what you love about your ex, and your happiest memories together. If they cheated on you, stop justifying it, and realize you can find someone who loves you and would never be unfaithful.

5. Realize that just because this relationship is over, it doesn't mean that you'll never find love again. Ask your friends, your parents, how they got over their first loves. Many people will remember how hard it was to get over them but will also admit that they found greater loves in their lifetime.

6. You may find it hard to sleep, or get back to sleep when you wake in the middle of the night. When it is dark, and everyone else around you is sound asleep, this can be the most lonely time ever. During the day take lots of exercise, go for a long long walk, make sure you are exhausted when you go to bed, it will help you sleep better/get off to sleep. You'll also benefit physically from the extra activity, and exercise is great for depression.

Friends and Family

1. Friends are incredibly important.Don't try to get through this alone. Your friends are very important. They will help you survive by listening to you and offering advice. If you forgot about them while you were with your boy/girlfriend, ask if you can be forgiven. If they really were true friends they will forgive you and want to help you get over it. Try to avoid friends who are very close with your ex, as they are bound to talk about him/her and bring you down inadvertently.

2. Talk to and see your friends and family more. It's good to listen to others and what they have to say, but if you can talk more, you'll find yourself truly getting your mind off of him/her for the time being. If you make your world bigger, then s/he will become less important.

3. Be open and honest about how you are feeling. Don't pretend, for yourself or others, that you are okay if you're not. Also realize that you are allowed to be okay. You do not have to feel sad all the time, or at all. Talk to people instead of just holding it in and being moody. Other people can support you if they actually know what is going on.

4. Remember there are other people who care. Even if it doesn't always feel that way, there are. There are people around you who understand, and will help.

5. Do not ask your friends if they have seen your ex. Do not ask how s/he is; you do not want to know.


You

1. Cry. It's okay to cry. Just let it all out. You will feel much better after you do.

2. Use your breakup as an opportunity to become the person you have always wanted to be. Take on a daunting goal such as learning a new language, instrument, or skill. There has never been a better time to set these goals in motion, and now you have a lot more time to do it!

3. Don't Fill up your MP3 player with the saddest love songs you can think of. Sad songs just make you think of what went wrong and it's hard to move on when all you think about are the lyrics of a sad song you relate to. Try happy songs instead. Try some songs that were written to remind you that you're not the only one not having any fun and that you need to work to be happy again. Music can help heal you; just give it time.

4.Do anything you can to make yourself feel desirable. Get a haircut or add highlights. Go to the gym. Buy a new outfit. Dress up and dance in front of your mirror to club music. Remember all the times s/he told you that you are the most beautiful person in the universe, convince yourself that it is indeed true, and that someone else will appreciate you the way s/he once did.

5. Endure the pain and loneliness bravely. With time, the pain will heal. Are you a strong person who can get through this or a weak one who will wither from one failed relationship? Don't succumb to weakness. Retain your pride and hold your head up. There's nothing better than that.

Always remember that you're better off without him/her because someone who you thought loved you who leaves isn't worth your tears or pain... "Never cry for someone that will never cry for you."

6. Poetry. Poetry can really help you, either writing or reading it. Try researching about authors who wrote love poems, so that they can work just like the songs in your MP3. Also it's good to put your feelings on a piece of paper. Don't bother if the poem's quality is below the authors you like. You're not doing it to publish. Paper can be a great listener, sometimes the best.

• Do not try to still have them in your life. This will only hurt you in the long run.
• Don't be so naive as to believe that you will never love anyone as much as your first love. Most first loves and heartbreaks occur during teen years or early 20s. You still have most of your life ahead of you to find the love of your life.
• Don't find an excuse to ask them about any situation. ex. How's your mom? or Remind me again why we broke up? This will only hurt you in the end and will eventually seem like you are begging for them back. Giving them the power and you helpless waiting for his response that you will never get in return.
• With maturity, your capacity to love another human being grows. Be grateful for the experience of your first love.
• Remember that getting your heart broken for the first time is a fact of life.
• Recognize that you have the power of choice in your life.
• Don't try getting back with your ex. You broke up for a reason, even if you can't really understand that reason.
• If it has been a very long time since the breakup and it's either not going away or getting worse and worse, you should probably seek help.
• If you feel suicidal, seek help. Nothing in your life should push you to that point.
• Don't tell him/her that you still love them. You might love them for a while longer, but remember that love is not enough and that your relationship ended for a reason. If you need to, write down the reasons.
• Avoid statements like "I'll never get over him/her." It might seem that way, but it is short-sighted and, in the long run, not true.
• Don't pretend like you are still together or think of yourselves as a couple. If people refer to him/her as your boy/girlfriend, then correct them. Even if you know that you're no longer together, saying it aloud will get the message across to yourself more strongly and help you to move on more readily.
• If you know their passwords to their email/Myspace/Facebook/etc., resist the temptation to go into their accounts. It will make the pain worse. If they have your passwords, change them immediately. Also, delete them as "friends" on facebook or even block them, so that you cannot search or find their profile anymore. They will not be notified and you will not be tempted to stay involved in their life. It is time to forget them as best you can. Also, you do not want to be notified every time they do an update. At a minimum, change your settings so you are not notified every time they update something. Sitting there looking at their recent happy pic with their new GF or BF is not going to be fun. Do not put yourself through that.
• Whenever you find yourself dwelling on what you're going through, pick up a book and read yourself out of it. Sometimes distancing yourself from the world by visiting another will help ease your emotions and make it easier to get used to spending time by yourself.
• No relationship is ever a mistake if you can get something out of it, such as learning something new about yourself. You might learn that you are indeed a very stubborn person that this might be the opportunity to change yourself for the better and to become a more open minded person. You might also learn that you are a very jealous lover, in which case you can take steps to becoming a less jealous boyfriend or girlfriend.
• Sometimes it is impossible to end on good terms with an Ex and you ought to cut off contact as much as possible if it is the most healthy thing to do. But if the possibility is there, then being on good terms with your Ex is a good place to be in. Otherwise, bitterness and anger between you two will eat you up inside. Be graceful and polite (but brief) if your Ex tries to contact you. If this happens, communicate that you would appreciate more distance in order to make it easier on yourself to move on. Use "I" statements like "I need more space" and avoid accusations. Save face and keep grace, and maybe eventually you two can be on good terms with each other later, even if the relationship part did not work out. You may regret making enemies with your first love later, even if you are bitter or angry about the break-up/relationship now.
• Cry, and Cry and Cry as much as you can because it will help your emotions. After this you will feel a lot better. Make sure you call your best friends and have happy conversations after.
• Try writing what you're feeling. When you have bad thoughts and feelings repeating in your head, writing it down can provide relief.
• Do not get a rebound girlfriend/boyfriend. This will not help you move on, because you will simply transmit the feelings you once had for your Ex onto the new person. This is unfair and inconsiderate of the person at hand, and you yourself will end up perpetually upset whenever this new person does not conform to standards of how your Ex once was. Rebounds are a very bad idea in general.
• Do not be afraid to love again. Just because your first love did not work once does not mean it will not ever work. Every person is different, and so every relationship dynamic will play out differently with different people, for both better and worse. While it is unhealthy to quickly get into another relationship for the wrong reasons, it is equally unhealthy to avoid relationships entirely. Try and judge every relationship according to their own terms, not in terms of how your past relationship(s) worked out.
• Do not tell your friends every single detail of why you broke up and how. Only tell your best friends because what happened between you and your ex is between you and your ex. It's nobody's business. Also, if friends tell try to tell you something that happened between they and your ex, cut them off and tell them nicely that you don't want to hear anything about your ex and change the topic. Even if it's a message from your ex, don't listen to it! It will only make it worse. If your friend can't respect that, then you know they're not your true friend.
• If you believe in a religion, then seek help spiritually. You may have neglected your faith while you were out with your boyfriend/girlfriend. It will help you feel better and get closer to your diety. You can even make new friends on retreats and who knows, maybe even someone new will come along.

Warnings

• Don't drink alcohol or get addicted to drugs to help get rid of your problems. It won't help in the long run, and it might end up making things worse. Also, focus on your health!!!.. Eat a cleaner diet and exercise more. You will look better, feel better, and feel better about yourself. Exercise is a great cure for depression.
• Even if you feel like you hate them, don't bad-mouth them, it will just make you feel worse when your guilt kicks in, which it probably will shortly, perhaps even immediately after you say it. Also, bad-mouthing them is petty and is a poor reflection on YOU. Remember, there are 3 sides to every breakup: Your side, Their side, and the truth. Sometimes it is good to vent about them. Recognize the difference, and when you are venting, make sure it is with closer friends and it is done in private.
• If you're still dwelling on it six months later, friends might start snapping at you to just get over it. Realize that everyone has their breaking point and that the subject can get tiresome. Your friends still love you, but don't impose on them. If you really need to talk about your ex, ask them if they are willing to listen. If you can't respect their boundaries, you will begin to lose friends.
• Remember that you are not the only one in the world who has had their heart broken. Being aware of that, mope away, but try not to let it consume your entire day. This kind of thing makes you seem pathetic and won't let you move on.
• Don't keep running back. Although it seems like it will make things better, it's only temporary. If you keep running back, it just makes it that much worse in the end.
• No Stalking!!. Don't resort to tracking your ex's every movement. Having mutual friends tell you everything they're doing, how great they are, who they're dating, and how they don't talk about you will only make you feel worse. You don't need to know. You simply need to let it be. Remember - they will figure out what you're trying to do, and you will look like the crazy one who's still not over it. Don't give them that satisfaction when you will be fine without it. This extends to using the Internet to track down your ex's activities.
• Don't stop doing things/watching things/listening to things etc. just because it will remind you of your ex. Such is life. You will only be limiting your life even more, and doing yourself damage.
• If you are feeling suicidal, remember that you are not alone. Seek help.
• It is very, very, very hard, but you need to get to the point where this person never existed. Everyone has gone through this. You are not alone. Your friends love you, your family loves you. For their sake as well as your own, you need to work at getting over your love.
• Try to keep in mind the bad things that your ex did or was that drove you crazy. Everytime you feel the need to remember your ex just try to replay the worst things they did and keep that in mind because it'll make you feel better.
• Just remember this saying: Out of sight, out of mind. It does work.
• Resist the temptation to initiate communication with your ex and ask them to rekindle the relationship. What's done can't be reversed. The ex has made up his/her mind and the decision can't be undone. Just think of them as a loser and you'll find someone better.
• Cultivate new hobbies. Do all those things that you LIKE to do.Stay busy all the time. Time will help you to get over this too.Remember, a first breakup is all about learning's... A lot of them. And probably, this phase is also necessary in life ..just like a thing like puberty is ;)
• Don't let your Ex make you feel bad about your self yes they will probably talk bad things about you but don't give mind to it after your Ex will realize that they were wrong
• Checking your ex's facebook is a big no no. It will just make you upset to see the picture, or reading posts from other people. We recommend removing your Ex entirely (indirect, or direct contact) this is to make the process easier. In time you can be friends, but take the necessary time to forget your Ex.
• For new relationship to grow one must learn to love again.

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM: HOW TO DEAL WITH ARGUMENTS

Do you end up arguing with your partner for the smallest of reasons? It may be no one’s fault or both your faults, but you really need to understand that an argument doesn’t make one of you win, but actually makes both of you lose in love. Find out what type of a fault picker you are and how to deal with arguments in love.

Click here to read the introduction: Are you a Fighter in Love?

THE TOUCHE MATE

You are completely in control. Whoa! And you’re the one making your partner lose their cool (all the time) by hitting your mate’s exact nerve point. Brrr… and they enter into a shivering fit, a.k.a. Angry Mode. If your partner is not the shivering type, then they’re probably the ones that throw tantrums. Well, you know your partner best. So stay off the touché issues and stop trying to make them stay on guard each time they’re around you.

How to Deal with It

If you know what would put your partner on guard, then stay a mile away from their sensitive issues and refrain from using those tactics. It would slowly deteriorate your relationship if all you do is rant about their Irritable Bowel Syndrome. You love your partner, so why would you want to take them to a level of hurt and anger. Spidey taught you this one, with great power comes great responsibility. We’re teaching you this one, with great love comes great respect. So hold your breath the next time you decide to tug a sensitive chord.

THE DRIFTER

This one starts off with a waiting game. You’re waiting for your mate, who was supposed to be there a good hour ago. You think your mate doesn’t respect you and is taking you for granted. And in steps yourmate, late, flustered and in haste. Your partner smiles at you. You cold shoulder that. And hug comes on its way towards you. You sidestep it.

The conversation, we mean, the argument begins. You missed an appointment with your beautician or an hour out with your pals, or perhaps a movie.

The apologies come on its way. Your cold shoulder is way too cold for the apologies to penetrate through. And what happens next, we all know the story. Before any explanations come through, you start your lashing.

How to Deal with It

And before your mate could even rationalize, you’re all out with the words game. “You do this all the time…”, “I missed my appointment…” and more blah and then, blah again. And then, out of nowhere, your ride starts drifting. “You haven’t done the dishes…”, “You cheated on me three years ago…”, and more prehistoric blah and blah. And then, it goes on and on. You start from one topic and drift faster than Sean Boswell in Tokyo Drift. By the end of it all, you’re both sulking and huffy. And who won? Heck, does it even matter anymore. You hate each other. So why hit the drift in the first place?

THE MIND READER

We’re not bungling with soothsayers, we’re messing on the psycho turf here. Ever come home to say “Hi” to your matey-sweetie, and imagine a little roll of the eye? Or remember the last time you wanted to make a Chocolate Brule but ended up making a terrible inedible version of the Mississippi Mud Pie? Did you hear that snigger behind your back, or that “that’s gross” look on your sweetheart’s face? Before you feel all unappreciated and go on a rampage trying to knock your sweetheart’s face with a frying pan, hold your breath. Count to ten.

How to Deal with It

Hey, crap happens. And sometimes, you create it. If you find yourself getting all flustered up over a ‘roll of the eyes’, wait a minute before you pop that eye out. If you feel hurt by something that your mate’s done, just mention it right then. “You piece of excreta, you’re driving me nuckin’ futs!” is an absolute no no. Instead, a “Honey, did you just roll your eyes at me? Please don’t do that, it hurts me” is aww-so-chweet. And at times, you might just be imagining your mate’s making funny faces behind your back. So before you spin your head 360 degrees a la Evil Dead style, ask away.

All of us will invariably find ourselves in at least one of these types, and all of use these petty tactics to win an argument with our partner.

But really, if you can deal with arguments in a relationship and avoid the conflict in the first place, wouldn’t the world and your relationship be a better place to be in?