Blog Archive


Shake Him Up - Relationship Tool

If you're feeling stuck, as if the train of your relationship is stopped at a station in the middle of nowhere, and your man is just wandering around outside the train, looking at the scenery, chewing on snacks and pretty much ignoring you and your needs, I can help.
I know it feels like you have to DO something to get him back on that train and then YOU have to shovel the coal and get the engine started and get that train moving - or you'll lose him.
And the truth is - what you have to do is just the opposite.
Most of the time a man is standing outside the train - but he hasn't left the station!
He's still hanging around!
And the LAST thing you want to do is push him away by trying to track him down and nail him down and get him on the train.
If you do that, he'll just run.
Men can be really slippery.
When they see us coming, they're fascinated, they want to touch us, they want to get close - AND they want to RUN.

To turn things around quickly, we have to do 2 things:
1. We have to make it SAFE for him to STAY.
He has to FEEL it's safe for him to climb on that relationship train and speed down the tracks with us.
And by "Safe," I mean he needs to feel totally accepted, totally loved, and yet totally FREE.
Yes, it feels weird to us.
The last thing in the world WE want to feel is "Free."
We want to BELONG, we want to feel CLAIMED, we want stability and security and we want FOREVER.
A man just wants it to FEEL GOOD NOW.
And then "Now" turns into another Now, into another Now, into another Now...
Until Now becomes Forever, because what forever looks like to him is a million good-feeling NOWS that he KNOWS he doesn't want to ever be without.
The moment he feels a sense of "duty" - or "commitment" that wasn't his own intensely- desired idea in the first place - the Now he feels doesn't feel so good.
The attraction he feels for us dries up.
So, with Step 1, we have to handle our own anger, frustration, and our own "agenda" for how we want this relationship to go, and simply love and accept him as he is - for NOW. And, for Step 2...
2. We have to be okay, fulfilled, excited, and HAPPY - even without him.
And this is really hard.
Once we're all involved with him, once we're hormonally "hooked" on him, we feel like we need HIM.
When actually, what all of us women need to feel is loved, touched, desired and cared for.
The moment we make all that loving, touching, desiring and caring about HIM, we lose our "mystery."
We lose our Feminine power.
We lose our Siren-ness - that alluring creature within all of us that a man can't resist.
We LOWER his feeling of ATTRACTION to us.
To get all our power and desirability back - to ATTRACT our man more - we have to SHIFT our focus.
We have to shift our focus AWAY from him, and onto OURSELVES, where it belongs.
The way this works is that we WANT him, we ENJOY him, yes - and yet - we are MOST OF ALL devoted to our basic needs being met.
And because we put our basic needs for feeling loved, touched, desired and cared for FIRST, the burden all of a sudden switches from US being "needy" to HIM having to provide those things for us if he wants to even be CONSIDERED for a relationship with us!
In other words, we get a HIGH "Degree Of Difficulty" and he needs to step up his game if he wants to win us.
So, here's a fast Tool to shift things so he'll quickly see you differently and come running to you.
The Tool is about Shaking Him Up by first Shaking YOURSELF Up. I call this first-step Tool: Switch Your Underwear Drawer.
1. Go to your bedroom, to your drawers where you keep your day-to-day underwear - the panties and bras and hose and all your favorite lingerie.
2. Dump it all out on the bed - every piece, without even looking at it.
3. Now go to a different drawer, lower or higher, or in a different cabinet, and take everything out of it and put it all into the first drawer - the drawer that used to belong to your underwear.
If you feel like going through the drawer to throw out things you don't wear, need or like - do it later.
This is a quick, fast SHAKE UP.
Do the Shake-Up first, and then Tweak. (Actually this is how all my Tools work for you - don't worry about getting it right, just do the Tools. Then TWEAK.
4. Now take all your underwear off the bed and put it in its new drawer.
5. If you have an urge to go through both drawers and clean them out and make them nice and organized - that's great - but that's not the point of the SHAKE UP, and you can do it another time.
I don't want you to wait to do this Tool until you have time to "reorganize" the drawers - just do the "Switch" NOW, the moment you get home or finish reading this letter.
The way this "Switching Your Underwear Drawer" will work for you is it will shake up the way your brain works.
Every time you go to grab a pair of socks or a bra or panties, you will AUTOMATICALLY head for, reach for, and open the OLD drawer.
This is exactly what we do every single moment in our brains.
We go to the place in our brains we ALWAYS go to.
Only now, you'll see that what you want isn't IN that drawer.
Now, your brain will have to figure out where the underwear actually is, go there, and open that drawer.
It might take you 10 or 20 times to start going automatically to the new drawer.
And during those 10 or 20 times, something new is happening in your brain.
This is EXACTLY how you're going to change EVERYTHING about the old patterns in your love life that aren't working.
You'll see that there's no instantaneous way to start "getting" that the new drawer is now where the underwear is...You're going to have to keep instinctively going to the old, WRONG drawer until the NEW pattern develops, and you find yourself naturally going to the new drawer.
This is how all my Tools work - you practice them, simply, easily and quickly, and then everything changes for you with your man - naturally.
If you want to learn how to CHANGE EVERYTHING about your relationship for the better, to profoundly affect your relationship and even bring your man BACK emotionally, physically, and PERMANENTLY - I have a whole, powerful section on exactly how to do that in my Reconnect Your Relationship CD program.
You will learn step-by-step Tools that will teach you how to approach your man and your relationship in a whole new way to turn even the most troubled relationship around, no matter how bad it is right now or how distant he seems.
I will teach you exactly what to do and what NOT to do to quickly transform your relationship and start feeling so relaxed, confident, and happy that your man will feel compelled to be with you - always.