1. Ask your parent why she disapproves of your boyfriend. Don't just mouth the words, though: Wait for an answer and listen.
2. Mirror what your parent is telling you; repeat back to him, as you understand it, why he disapproves. For example: "So, if I understand you correctly, you are worried that because he maintains a 'C' average, he'll adversely affect my GPA." Or: "It sounds like you need a little more information on his family's background. You are uncomfortable because he's moved around so many times."Perhaps your boyfriend is very sweet and hardworking, but school just isn't his thing. Perhaps he hasn't had teachers who have inspired or challenged him. Maybe he's gone through a tragedy, such as the death of one of his own parents. There are reasons why kids don't get exceptional grades, especially over short periods of time.Tell your parents you understand why they are concerned, but you are committed to maintaining your good study habits, if this is where the problem lies.If the issue is your guy's gypsy-like image, maybe your dad will rest assured when he learns that your fella comes from an Army family, and that's why he lived for half his life overseas before jumping from school to school in the States.
3. Be ready to argue--albeit gently--with your mom or dad. That does not mean a shouting match. It doesn't mean acting immature and stomping out of the room.A healthy disagreement is far better than your "acting out" by going off racing on a motorcycle in the middle of the night with this hoodlum (if he is one).Have a debate with your parents. Present your side as factually as possible. Sometimes parents, especially dads, have especially strong misgivings about their little girl's guy.
4. Find adult support for your position. If Dad and or Mom still don't like your fella, maybe Aunt Sylvia, who's coming over for lasagna Friday night, has some words of wisdom on the subject. Aunts, uncles, grandparents and cousins are often more diplomatic with teenagers who are not their own children.Don't go behind your parents' back, though. Instead, ask them if they'd mind your discussing this with Cousin Fred, whose daughter had also dated a C-level quarterback with a pierced ear (or whatever the case may be).
5. Heed the warnings when they are real. You do not want to be hooked up with a womanizer, alcoholic, dope smoker or ne'er-do-well. Especially if you are young, you may be drawn to the creep--but trust Mom and Dad on this. Date the nice boys. They're the ones who'll give you their letterman's sweater, and later their college ring--and one day, who knows? Maybe a proper ring as well.
Ask your parents:
why they don't like your boyfriend/girlfriend - be calm, polite, and listen to what they have to say. If you act like a child by yelling, running off, or getting angry it will make matters worse. Acknowledge their concerns. Tell them how you plan to deal with them (Ie, I know he has bad grades, next term he's getting a tutor).
Are you dating for the right reasons?
Make sure you aren't dating a guy or girl just to get back at your parents, or because you were pressured by friends. See the article, Good and Bad reasons to Date.
Let Your Boyfriend Get To Know Them
Have your boyfriend over for a visit so your parents can get to know them. Your parents could just be over worried if they don't know your BF-- so make sure they get time to really know him. They may just see he's a great guy and change their mind. Your BF will have a chance to make a good, honest impression on them.
Respect Your Parents Wishes
Tell them that you'll respect their wishes and rules; that may make them more comfortable with you dating. If they want you back by 11pm or don't want you staying anywhere overnight with him, respect them! Running off to go see your BF against their wishes will only make things worse.
Ask Their Advice
Instead of fighting or defending your BF, say: "I know you love me and want what is best for me. I really like him but I want your honest opinion-- what do you think? what should I do?"
You may be surprised at your parents response! I knew a girl whose parents didn't want her to date at all, but when she did this, they were blown away by her maturity and respected her decision to date.
Is it just your parents?
Or are siblings, family or friends not so fond of them too? If it seems like a lot of people don't like your date, it's probably a sign! So often young people are "blinded by love"-- they refuse to believe or accept their partner is a loser and move on. Don't let this happen to you, if people seem to dislike him/her, there's probably a reason. Read this: 15 Signs Your Boyfriend is a Loser
Don't Be Blind
If your boyfriend really has serious problems-- if he's into drugs or alcohol, if he's rude or dangerous -- that is a big sign your parents/friends are probably right. Just because you love someone doesn't make them good for you; Look honestly and don't be blinded by love, see if your relationship really is harmful, instead of pretending everything will be ok since you "really love each other". Real love can only grow with honesty.
Give It Time
Go slow and give your relationship time. Don't rush into things, don't have sex, don't get pregnant or married! If your relationship is still in the "infatuation" stage (6 months to a year) there is a good chance things can change and you might end up breaking up. So it's good to wait that period of time before getting serious, either physically or emotionally.
Tell your parents that you're dating to see if things will work out long term, and if they don't, you'll break it off. That is far more mature than saying "but I love him so much we're going to get married!" especially if you've been together a short time. Tell them you're just dating for fun for now to get to know him better, you enjoy his company, but you don't know if this will work out long term.
That will make you sound more mature and reasonable, and it's hard to argue with someone who is being logical and reasonable.
Signs Your Parents Are Right:
. Below are signs that your boyfriend/girlfriend may be a bad choice:
2. Mirror what your parent is telling you; repeat back to him, as you understand it, why he disapproves. For example: "So, if I understand you correctly, you are worried that because he maintains a 'C' average, he'll adversely affect my GPA." Or: "It sounds like you need a little more information on his family's background. You are uncomfortable because he's moved around so many times."Perhaps your boyfriend is very sweet and hardworking, but school just isn't his thing. Perhaps he hasn't had teachers who have inspired or challenged him. Maybe he's gone through a tragedy, such as the death of one of his own parents. There are reasons why kids don't get exceptional grades, especially over short periods of time.Tell your parents you understand why they are concerned, but you are committed to maintaining your good study habits, if this is where the problem lies.If the issue is your guy's gypsy-like image, maybe your dad will rest assured when he learns that your fella comes from an Army family, and that's why he lived for half his life overseas before jumping from school to school in the States.
3. Be ready to argue--albeit gently--with your mom or dad. That does not mean a shouting match. It doesn't mean acting immature and stomping out of the room.A healthy disagreement is far better than your "acting out" by going off racing on a motorcycle in the middle of the night with this hoodlum (if he is one).Have a debate with your parents. Present your side as factually as possible. Sometimes parents, especially dads, have especially strong misgivings about their little girl's guy.
4. Find adult support for your position. If Dad and or Mom still don't like your fella, maybe Aunt Sylvia, who's coming over for lasagna Friday night, has some words of wisdom on the subject. Aunts, uncles, grandparents and cousins are often more diplomatic with teenagers who are not their own children.Don't go behind your parents' back, though. Instead, ask them if they'd mind your discussing this with Cousin Fred, whose daughter had also dated a C-level quarterback with a pierced ear (or whatever the case may be).
5. Heed the warnings when they are real. You do not want to be hooked up with a womanizer, alcoholic, dope smoker or ne'er-do-well. Especially if you are young, you may be drawn to the creep--but trust Mom and Dad on this. Date the nice boys. They're the ones who'll give you their letterman's sweater, and later their college ring--and one day, who knows? Maybe a proper ring as well.
Ask your parents:
why they don't like your boyfriend/girlfriend - be calm, polite, and listen to what they have to say. If you act like a child by yelling, running off, or getting angry it will make matters worse. Acknowledge their concerns. Tell them how you plan to deal with them (Ie, I know he has bad grades, next term he's getting a tutor).
Are you dating for the right reasons?
Make sure you aren't dating a guy or girl just to get back at your parents, or because you were pressured by friends. See the article, Good and Bad reasons to Date.
Let Your Boyfriend Get To Know Them
Have your boyfriend over for a visit so your parents can get to know them. Your parents could just be over worried if they don't know your BF-- so make sure they get time to really know him. They may just see he's a great guy and change their mind. Your BF will have a chance to make a good, honest impression on them.
Respect Your Parents Wishes
Tell them that you'll respect their wishes and rules; that may make them more comfortable with you dating. If they want you back by 11pm or don't want you staying anywhere overnight with him, respect them! Running off to go see your BF against their wishes will only make things worse.
Ask Their Advice
Instead of fighting or defending your BF, say: "I know you love me and want what is best for me. I really like him but I want your honest opinion-- what do you think? what should I do?"
You may be surprised at your parents response! I knew a girl whose parents didn't want her to date at all, but when she did this, they were blown away by her maturity and respected her decision to date.
Is it just your parents?
Or are siblings, family or friends not so fond of them too? If it seems like a lot of people don't like your date, it's probably a sign! So often young people are "blinded by love"-- they refuse to believe or accept their partner is a loser and move on. Don't let this happen to you, if people seem to dislike him/her, there's probably a reason. Read this: 15 Signs Your Boyfriend is a Loser
Don't Be Blind
If your boyfriend really has serious problems-- if he's into drugs or alcohol, if he's rude or dangerous -- that is a big sign your parents/friends are probably right. Just because you love someone doesn't make them good for you; Look honestly and don't be blinded by love, see if your relationship really is harmful, instead of pretending everything will be ok since you "really love each other". Real love can only grow with honesty.
Give It Time
Go slow and give your relationship time. Don't rush into things, don't have sex, don't get pregnant or married! If your relationship is still in the "infatuation" stage (6 months to a year) there is a good chance things can change and you might end up breaking up. So it's good to wait that period of time before getting serious, either physically or emotionally.
Tell your parents that you're dating to see if things will work out long term, and if they don't, you'll break it off. That is far more mature than saying "but I love him so much we're going to get married!" especially if you've been together a short time. Tell them you're just dating for fun for now to get to know him better, you enjoy his company, but you don't know if this will work out long term.
That will make you sound more mature and reasonable, and it's hard to argue with someone who is being logical and reasonable.
Signs Your Parents Are Right:
. Below are signs that your boyfriend/girlfriend may be a bad choice:
- He is rude to your family or friends
- A boyfriend should try to get along with and impress them, disrespecting them is a sign he doesn't care enough for you to even pretend to behave well
- He drinks/smokes/does drugs -
- no excuse for this type of behavior, especially if you're a teen
- You're a teen, he's in his 20's
- There's probably a reason he can't get a girl his own age. Older guys that prey on highschool girls are not good news.
- He is abusive - either verbally, or physically
- Love isn't nervous, obsessive, or insecure. If being with him makes you feel guilty or bad, break it off.
- You find yourself lying or making excuses for him around your family and friends.
- You feel that they're right, but you don't want to admit it
- He is pressuring you to do things you don't want to do
